it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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