I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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