Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
