cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
