I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
