I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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