i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
