just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
