just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
