I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she told me i tasted like america
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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