I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
