Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
