I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
