So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
