And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
