I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
