Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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