you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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