I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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