I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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