I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
