forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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