just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
