and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
