Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
