standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
