take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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