First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
