I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
