it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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