He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
