I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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