is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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