I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
