What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
