There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
