Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
