Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
