Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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