apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
