Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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