I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
