His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
