sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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