New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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