You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
