i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
