Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
