you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
