what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
