I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
