I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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