Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
