Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
