True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
