If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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