Who wears a wallet chain?!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The air was thick with penises
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
