so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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