so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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