This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize