ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
