Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
