And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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