Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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