She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
