so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
