About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
